Welcome to Girls On The Bus, hopefully the first in a series of short, but shrewd, insta-analyses of Mrs. Todd Palin on her latest narcissist odyssey. Or history field trip. Or just-get-me-the-fuck-away-from-the-two-toddlers-tour.

My partner in satirical and boldly biased analysis is wonder woman writer, feminist and managing editor and columnist for Politicususa, Sarah Jones.

LN:  Okay, Sarah, you’re seeing red. Mrs. Palin and her personal posse hijacking the Rolling Thunder Memorial Day parade in D.C. has got you jacked up. Kind of like the 4-inch stilettos and that water-filled wonder bra she’s sporting here.  How old is she again?

H/T to Karen J commenting on Gryphen's blog

Oh, where to begin, Laura? The glee-filled narcissist’s glow or the helmet that is tipped so her hair can blow and her face isn’t shadowed for the cameras? This is a picture that says “It’s always about ME!” And that’s what drives people nuts.

LN:  That, and the merit badges on her jacket. The only badges of honor that should be visible at that rally were those on the Veterans. But something tells me Palin wasn’t there for them.

SJ:  She stole the thunder, literally. As for the shoes, may I for a moment point out that one does not wear heels like that on a bike for obvious reasons? Instead of modeling safety (a disdained concept of “big government”, no doubt), what we have here is right wing political porn.

LN:  That’s right. With the hooters to match! And in later photos she tossed on a cross for good measure in case she failed to pander to anyone.

SJ:  Let me ask you and your readers something, Laura. Would Esther ride a motorcycle wearing high heels just for the cameras on a day when we are supposed to be remembering those missing in action and left behind? Would Jesus dress up like Michael Jackson on such a day? Would Reagan? Joan of Arc? I’m trying to cover all of the myth-co-opting narratives. Help me if I left one out.

LN:  Trust me, I was no fan of Ronnie (who calls their wife Mommie?) but I never read where he was anything but nice to the people around him. Michael Jackson was troubled, but gentle. Joan? I wasn’t crazy about her taste in clothes, but I digress. The mythology is frightening to those who can pierce it. And it’s lifeblood for those clinging to the idea that America has done them wrong.

SJ: I just read a quote from the KKK that mirrored Palin’s quotes about how the troops are fighting for our freedom of speech. The self-aggrandizing  (notice the shared theme) “Imperial Wizard”  of a KKK branch said, "It's the soldier that fought and died and gave them that right to free speech.” That statement shares the false premise of Ms Palin’s misunderstanding about what we are fighting for. She has said repeatedly that the troops are fighting for her freedom of speech (aka: right to smear the President). No one is trying to take away her freeom of speech (much as we might wish she would stop weighing in on important issues with her simpleton’s odes to Poujadism), but we fight to defend democracy or a foreign aggressor. No one is giving their lives specifically for our freedom of speech. Freedom of speech hasn’t been threatened, but then, Ms Palin isn’t in the White House.

LN:  Exactly! But what Mrs. Palin doesn’t know is that her girls will not be the only girls on her bus. Because I am going to burn my bra, slip into some comfortable clogs, and pop some corn. I’m getting on that bus with her. And I’m taking you with me.

From here on out, wherever the Palin Family Circus Vacation Paid With Political Money But Not A Campaign Bus goes, we’re going too. You with me?

SJ:  So long as she has an impact on our political debate and continues to try to take women’s rights back to the age before suffrage, I’ll be there, whether I like it or not. But if you’re there, the ride will be much more enjoyable. And while I don’t wear naughty monkeys, I might be inclined to put on a pair of heels if that’s what it takes to show that modern feminism has nothing to do with the Right’s stereotypes of feminism. Solidarity!



05/31/2011 09:48

I can't help but wonder how Sarah can take a family vacation yet still have sarahpac foot the entire bill. How does a PAC pay for a vacation without it being considered a gift and be reported as income to the recepient?

05/31/2011 09:54

Wow... Thanks for the H/T, Laura. I was the one who lightened that picture enough to see Palin WAS wearing stiletto platform shoes.

I'd read elsewhere that she didn't wear biker boots like her driver, but wore high heels(!), so I had to check out that claim.

It's all about appearances with Grifter Granny, isn't it? I suppose the touselled sweaty dry-as-straw overlong hair is her homage to "jes' like us'ens" Real American women.

05/31/2011 10:40

Very good, Laura! You and Sarah Jones are fine partners in satire.

05/31/2011 11:09

P.S. Have either of YOU ladies figured out yet why Sarah Palin's bike driver accompanied her back to the bus as CNN reporter interviewed Palin on Sunday?

http://bit.ly/kp71aG and http://bit.ly/m4jv4N and http://bit.ly/lZFO6Q

I wonder if the bike driver got another photo op in front of the bus, a ride on the bus, or got to meet her doppelgänger, Willow?

(I was mistaken in thinking she WAS Willow, on the bike at the head of the Rolling Thunder parade of bikes)

05/31/2011 11:35

I've read in a number of places that your/our following what she does on this circus tour (even if to ridicule) is exactly what she wants. It feeds her malignant narcissism, be it positive or negative.

In her "I am still a beauty queen, adore me and make me your president" tour, where are her oh so well loved children? Trig? Willow? Oh that's right, they are farmed out to someone who really cares about them. Piper looks like she is oh so happy to be the chosen one, doesn't she?

$palin never left middle school mentally/emotionally, and it is her children who will suffer for that. For that matter one wonders if she isn't still stuck at the 2 year old stage, where human children believe themselves to be the center of the universe.

CA Guy
05/31/2011 11:40

Ok, I'm the first lone male voice in this so here's mes deux centimes:

1. George Will and Karl Rove are terrified, and thus dismissive of her. She's not their pawn or patsy, due to her own messianic Book of Rules, and their understanding that she's batshit looney.

2. She's actually doing the political system a world of good by adding another layer of Post-Trump WTF-ness to the republican layer cake of crazy. Eventually, the ordered sense and normalcy of democrats, speaking slowly and in whole sentences and with words that have meaning will begin to penetrate the American psyche.

My crystal ballification? We get to see her pre-empt the entire Republican primary process (and get rid of that pesky high school girl who challenged Michelle Bachmann to a debate:)

The Sarah & Michelle Wet T-Shirt Mud Wrestling Smackdown. Financed of course by the Barrack Obama for prez PAC.

05/31/2011 11:41

I'ld like to join this road trip.

I think of Sarah as political porn, the MSM are her pornagraphers. I wish she would abandon the tease and go straight to the centerfold. She can't get out of our public discourse soon enough to satisfy me.

And I weep for the young girls that see merit in her role model, and seek to emulate her. They seem to want to drag us back to the stone ages.

05/31/2011 11:43

05/31/2011 11:47

Let me clarify...I want to join Laura and Sarah's road trip.

Personally, I'ld like to see Palin's roadtrip go totally off-road and off-camera.

05/31/2011 11:53

I have commented on the 'palin mafia' a number of times in conjunction with the lack of locals willing to step up to the plate. Hard to believe, I know...

Check out this url:


05/31/2011 12:00

Yawn. Palin wore high heels and a padded bra to crash a fake charity's event that wouldn't have received 5 minutes of prime airtime without her.

If we're going to get baited, can't we hold out for something a little more creative?

05/31/2011 12:37

@ rubbernecking: Once again I am confused by your comment. Can you explain what you mean when you refer to the "fake charity that wouldn't have received 5 minutes of prime airtime without her"? As usual, I am assuming you are a palinbot pretending not to be. Am I wrong?

05/31/2011 13:52

Love this. Keep it up (this Girls On The Bus blog). Now apparently Sarah P. is saying a campaign could be fun and the press is not hostile?! Oh no. Track, could you please do something to the tires on this bus?

05/31/2011 15:33

Sarah Jones teaming up with Laura Novak - that's like strawberries and cream! Delightful separately, absolutely delicious together.

I will join, virtually of course, but no way will I stuff my feet into heels, even for a good cause.

In a sense we are (well I am) in a Catch-22 situation. Ignore the Harley-hopping diva or give her more attention she craves. I would brush her off like a pest if it would make her actually go away but it won't. So, since she's still out there LYING that Alaska produces 20% of our nation's oil, among other long-disproven falsehoods, I guess someone has to keep reminding whoever will listen that contributions to SarahPAC are only going to provide the extended Palin family a free vacation.

CA Guy
05/31/2011 16:35

This is special:


05/31/2011 16:37


Research Schizophasia and it's sibling Schizophrenia.. it's the key to Palin!

Mrs Gunka
05/31/2011 17:28

It wasn't our military that gave us our freedom of speech, it was our constitution. It gave us all our other freedoms too that the right want to say the military has given us. I get that email all the time about our freedoms. Our military has up to now, kept us from being taken over by foreign countries. The Constitution GAVE us our Freedoms.

05/31/2011 20:07

HaHa I love it! My two fave girls on Palins bus 2 noWhere!
Tell me how is SarahPac paying for this FUBAR?

06/01/2011 00:32

OK I'm in! But please can I sit close to the toilet? I'm old and car rides and laughing make me pee a lot :)

Why are not Mr. & Mrs. Helmet Head on their own hogs? Why the need for the personal chauffeur? I find this more curious than the come-f-me-pumps of the 80's on her feet. Didn't she and Todd tout themselves as bike-loving, hog-riding experts not too awfully long ago on some crappy erm... informative TV show?

Perhaps hopping onto the back of someone else's bike was the only ticket to the front of the line at this shindig?

Who wants Schnapps? <passes the bottle of peach to suela>

06/01/2011 01:07

I *love* this new Girls on the Bus feature. It's pure pleasure to read such witty, well-written, and insightful satire -- and pleasure is not an emotion I often associate with anything Palin related. Please pass the popcorn.

06/01/2011 05:21

Alas, a friend of mine recently overheard the conversation between two older white men on the NYC subway. They talked about how Obama was under the influence of "that terrorist, Ayers" (!) - and how they'd like Palin for president because "she's hot."

Perhaps our country does deserve to go down the drain, if the citizenry chooses to be so gullible.

I desperately want her to go away. I have my fingers crossed that this will be the last time she is inflicted on the country. I don't think she will run, and even if she does, that she will lose.

I want the media to focus on other things. I want to see the Bachmann - Amy debate, and as I know that won't happen, I want to see her lose because of a campaign titled "Afraid of 10th graders". I want to see Breitbart pay up for all his libel.

Alas, I want so many things...

06/01/2011 05:30

MrsGunka, I get what you are saying, and you're almost right, except the brilliant thing is, the Constitution doesn't "GIVE" us rights, either.

The concept is that we are BORN with Natural Rights that no-one can take away. "They" can prevent us from expressing our rights or from living in the fullness of them, but natural rights cannot be legislated away OR legislated into existence. That's the beauty of it!

06/01/2011 08:56

@Anon, my comments are very confusing coming from a palinbot. Think how devious I am suggesting the investigation may have more credibility if it avoids getting baited by Palin's shoes at contrived photo-ops.

06/01/2011 08:56

I think she was wearing boots. looks like a strip of something under her knee, like the top of a boot?
She didn't even finish the ride, it was just a photo op.

And who is paying for that bus and "It's not about me" tour?

According to palin and friends, it is God that gives us rights, not the Constitution.
The Constitution was based on Christian principles, therefore any rights are from God.
This is what we have to look forward to if palin ever gets near the White House

06/01/2011 09:41

Our rights as free human beings could not be more different from the pre-determined Calvinist destiny Mrs. Palin and other holy rollers would consign us to.

The Constitution only "gives" us rights to the extent that itis a document expressed by free (in reality, sorta, kinda, in a minority way free) people to begin with, who do not "give" themselves rights at all, but "merely" (merely!) claim them.

Claim them away from others and away from "God", N.B.

06/01/2011 13:43

Will do, Kilob. It's on the list! And V, I couldn't agree more. And OzMud gets the seat nearest the toilet, for sure. And thanks to everyone for their energy.

Lidia, I also, too, emailed you. Let me know if you got it please.

New Brad Scharlott post going up in three, two, one...

06/03/2011 19:37

Most, or all of us, know Sarah doesn't want anyone telling her what to do, not even the law. If you recall, in SP's Alaska, nobody wore seat belts. Trigg seen standing in back seat, while they're barreling down the highway.

That idiot is going to get somebody killed yet, and it may not have anything to do with her beloved guns.

This is insanity, pure and simple. I had to share it here:

Sarah Palin's new, very dangerous wild ride: http://palingates.blogspot.com/2011/06/sarah-palins-new-very-dangerous-wild.html

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