All I Want For Christmas Is....

12/23/2011

time. Time with the people - and pets - that I love.

But it just shoots through space, and through my finger tips, and I can't grasp and hold it no matter how hard I try.

I don't covet things; I have more than I need. I have a roof over my head. The heat is on full blast. My stomach is always full. And if it's not, I know where to get my next fix. Our water is clean and abundant. A down comforter keeps me warm. A TV keeps us entertained. There are credit cards to keep gasoline in the car and to cover co-pays at all our wonderful doctors' offices. I have friends who support me and a husband and son who love me. We still have Buggy, who is, quite frankly, happier now that Jeevsie is not taking up so much psychic space. She is old and sometimes I look at her and wonder what it will be like when she's gone, which I suspect will be predictable and manageable, unlike Jeeves.

Still, it all changes in a heart beat. My husband knows a man who was critically injured in a car jacking the other day. What exactly is that thread that separates whether we live or die? Is it possible to always tell those we hold dearest that we love them every single day? Every time we hang up or go out the door?

My son will enjoy the heck out of opening presents. That's his job. I was the same way. The more the merrier when I was a kid. But how old and beaten up do you have to be to think that all I want is "one of the seven fundamental physical quantities" in our world?

One of the reasons I enjoy citing the Tao here is because I try to remember to simply "be." The passages help me. But how can I "be" when it keeps changing? How do YOU grasp and hold time (what's your secret!) And what do YOU want for Christmas?

Know that having you all in my life, and on my blog, is part of what makes each day fulfilling for me. I appreciate you all.

Merry and safe everything.

12/23/2011 02:28:34 am

I appreciate you, too, Laura. Now that I can't even trust PolitiFact, I appreciate you even more for maintaining a truth-based, and welcoming, site for us.

I lose more time than I use, so I can't offer any real advice--except that I try to do a whole lot less than a decade ago. I also try not to agree to do anything unless I fully intend to do it. Some people manage their time by constantly readjusting their calendar. I find that a waste of energy and annoying when I'm on the receiving end. Not to sound Scrooge-y or Grinch-y. Merry Christmas!

mistah charley, ph.d.

12/23/2011 02:51:08 am

Time - 'tis a puzzlement. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

"How do YOU grasp and hold time"?

The usual way, I suppose - but I'm trying to learn how not to.

Bhante Gunaratana, in his book Mindfulness in Plain English, says there is "...another whole perspective, a completely different way to look at the universe. It is a level of functioning where the mind does not try to freeze time, where we do not grasp onto our experience as it flows by, where we do not try to block things out and ignore them. It is a level of experience beyond good and bad, beyond pleasure and pain. It is a lovely way to perceive the world, and it is a learnable skill. It is not easy, but is learnable."

The whole book in PDF format, 1.33 MB - http://tinyurl.com/7okqjw8

WakeUpAmerica

12/23/2011 03:18:31 am

I try to hold time by reminding myself to be fully present in the experience of living. It's so easy to slip into "robo-pilot" and miss the beauty and joy in the simple things around us. When my little granddaughter gives her bubbly belly laugh, I imagine it completely surrounding me like bubble wrap.

FrostyAK

12/23/2011 03:55:52 am

Time will not be held. It is not to BE held, but to be experienced.

What do I want for Christmas? Peace, equality, plenty, and acceptance for ALL on this old blue ball floating in space. I've always been greedy, and wanted more than was my right...

Laura Novak

12/23/2011 05:31:53 am

Mistah C, my husband loves that riddle/thingy. He loves saying it!

I recall holding my son in the hospital when he was about 7 pounds. I thought he was thee perfect size and I said to one of his nurses: I don't ever want him to grow. And she said: "That would get kind of boring."

I think that can apply to all things that we or I want to hold on to. If it stayed that blissful and nothing moved forward, we would not be open to the new things that might come our way. We'd never open our hearts or minds. Or even physically have the space to experience new things.

Frosty, et al., (any of you, all of you!) I'm glad I met all of you on this blue ball floating in space. You all enrich my life. You really do!

litbrit link

12/23/2011 06:35:03 am

Merry, merry, dear Laura!

I second your thoughts--this is a scaled-down Christmas for us, and in a big way, I am glad. Some of the Christmases Past were so over-the-top, it's exhausting just remembering them.

Like you, I want for nothing, just time with the people I love. It's been a year of ups and downs, and I am looking forward to better times in 2012. Certainly, they will be interesting times.

May you and everyone reading here enjoy the holidays to the absolute maximum!

XXX
Deborah

12/23/2011 07:27:52 am

Merry Christmas. I hope you all receive your wish! And you all get a big thank you from me.

Marie

12/23/2011 09:22:53 am

I have learned to not let the little things get to me - dust bunnies don't make me a bad housekeeper, they show my house is lived in... Meals not on the table at 6:00pm do not make me a bad mother - it just means we may eat a little later... A couple of weeds in the garden provides company for the flowers... I have learned that life is uncertain and everyday is a blessing, whatever it brings.

My wish list is longer that my want list and my need list is shorter. As long as I can provide for my needs, life is good.

My sister just told me that her daughter gave her paint for XMAS and she was thrilled. Her husband lost is job in April, they sold their house in October and moved "home" and bought a 100 year old house, which she has always wanted, and they both now have jobs. They feel blessed. Life throws us some curves, but the it is always interesting to see what lies around that curve.

May the new year bring kindness and love for all mankind - those with four legs as well as those with two.

And, hopefully, the stock market will stabilize.

Merry Christmas and Happy New year!

Laura Novak

12/23/2011 09:41:19 am

Lovely story, Marie. What was it someone said to me once (probably citing a greater quote): Only when it's dark can we see the stars the most. We all turn the corner sooner or later, to whatever degree. I'm glad to hear that about your relatives.

LitBrit, always nice to see you here. And nice to see that many of you agree with me about wanting the ephemeral time versus the packaged goods.

A millionaire would look at my house and things and laugh. But all I can think of is: "I have SO much."

May you all have as much as you want of love, peace and health in the New Year.

Marie

12/23/2011 12:44:42 pm

Most millionaires would probably look at most of our homes and laugh, but I would bet that our homes are warmer, friendlier and more welcoming than theirs - ours are filled with the things that matter most - love, family, pets, and goodwill for all.

Sherryn

12/23/2011 01:31:58 pm

Dear Laura,
Your post reflects exactly how I feel. We've always tried to live within our means, and we take so much for granted that some people don't experience in a lifetime. Shelter, clean water, food, warmth, and all the neccessities to survive.
I value and appreciate them all equally.
Time, family, love, friends, health, pets and whatever life we're given are the true gifts.that mean the most to me and they increase the more we share them with others.
I remember having the same feelings after holding my daughter, and my mother said "You think it's hard holding on, just wait for the letting go". Of course I rolled my eyes, but she was right. To take her first step, I had to let go, to ride her bike without training wheels, I had to let go. The first bus to school.... and so on..

Happy Holidays to you and your readers!

mistah charley, ph.d.

12/23/2011 08:32:57 pm

Laura, I'm glad your husband enjoys the time/arrows/banana saying - in trying to find its origin I discovered there is an entire article about it at Wikipedia, which traces an early variant to 1965.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Time_flies_like_an_arrow;_fruit_flies_like_a_banana

As a book author yourself, you may well be familiar with a somewhat structurally similar saying of Mark Twain: "Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend; inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."

I can understand why you might not enjoy a lot of "Christian" reading available today. Much of what goes under the name "Christianity" in 21st century America is childish, selfish, toxic and delusional - in my opinion, which is being reinforced as I keep reading about the Crystal Cathedral bankruptcy. One Christian book that I have found fruitful to read recently is Leloup's translation and commentary on "The Gospel of Thomas".

And speaking of books that actually nourish the spirit, those who might prefer access to "Mindfulness in Plain English" a chapter at a time can find it at http://www.vipassana.com/meditation/mindfulness_in_plain_english.php

Warm holiday greetings to all the cyberfriends who gather here at Laura's place. As Bill and Ted put it in the movie about their adventure, "Be excellent to each other. Party on, dudes!" I'm sure they meant "dudes" in a gender-inclusive sense. I lift a cup of alcohol-free eggnog in your general direction.

LizH

12/23/2011 09:27:54 pm

This is my first Christmas in 24 years without my husband, the first Christmas my kids have experienced without their father, as he passed away 8 months ago following a 5 year degenerative brain disease.

The kids and I "got out of Dodge" and chose a place we'd never visited which finds us in Boston for the long holiday weekend. This Christmas I hope to laugh,,,, belly laughs... giggles...and when after a few tears are shed... to find a smile again.

I hope it snows and we can have a snowball fight.

Laura, a book that has brought me much comfort, as I think about your critically injured friend, is Your Soul's Plan, written by Rob Schwartz.

http://www.yoursoulsplan.com/

Thank you for all your efforts in blogging and for bringing such a wonderful community together.

Peace,blessings, and happy holidays to all.

LisaB2595

12/23/2011 10:42:37 pm

You know, Stephen King wrote a great story about time called "My Pretty Pony." I always think about the truth of it--time has its own life, one you can't control.

Time is like your own child. There's a point where you (think you) can control, manage it, but eventually you understand your child is his own person, moving in ways you cannot control or manage.

But you still try to hang onto it. Eventually you realize it's the non-control that makes your child interesting and precious.

12/24/2011 12:07:02 am

You and your readers seem to have accomplished much in the eyes of the world--degrees, jobs, books, etc.--but your and their true joy comes from being with their families and friends. How wonderful that this pleasure is available to almost everyone, whatever the socioeconomic status. I apologize to Barbara Bush for criticizing her graduation speech at Wellesley for saying something like that.

Ottoline

12/24/2011 12:19:35 am

A very happy Dec 24th to you, Laura, and to all of us guests that you do such a great job of hosting here. I too appreciate all of you! I am grateful for you all and for so much in my life. My thoughts often take the form of being grateful I am not in a war zone, or about to flee with a dependent family, leaving all behind, to a country whose language I do not speak. And then I think of the people for whom this is a reality.

Mistah C: wiki does it again. Thx for pointing us to that super explanation of arrow/banana time. I too always thought it was used for demonstrating computer understanding vs human understanding, but I had no idea how complicated and interesting the explanation is.

Time: I immed think of MFK Fisher's title "Not Now, but Now," which contains a time progression right there in the title. You don't see that every day! The main time thing I keep marveling at is how today we can capture it in a photo or a video (I'm thinking baby photos, or the box of home movies from the 1950s that i keep meaning to have put onto a CD, to see again for the first time in 55 yrs), and how precious it is ( for example to see the face of your babies again, or your parent who died). In the olden days, they had no such thing. Only memories, which fade. Okay, written memories. But the photo/video is so powerful.

My best wishes to all of us, esp today.

Laura Novak

12/24/2011 12:36:05 am

Mistah C., my husband and I are going to explore those links! Leave it to you to keep us learning learning learning! And thank you to Lisa B and Liz H for other recommended reading.

Liz H., our collective thoughts for you this poignant holiday. I can speak for everyone here when we say that Brava for you to go somewhere new. I hope you and your children throw snow with abandon and that the spirit of your husband laughs with you. I'm so very sorry for your profound loss. Thank you for sharing it with us all and for pointing out even more the concept of time...held, lost, pined for.

Someone said to me recently: every relationship must come to an end. He didn't say life. He said relationship. And when you think about it, it's true. For whomever to leave, someone must be left. It has changed my way of thinking a great deal.

May today be filled with the anticipation of the season. What does it say that no matter how old I get, I still heed my mother's words and will listen for the sound of sleigh bells tonight. It means: Hope.

eclecticsandra

12/24/2011 03:40:26 am

I understand your comments on time. It once seemed to me that there were so many things to cram in such a short space. Life seemed to be made for accomplishment, nor living. One local TV station has been running a series on coping with holiday stress. The main message is that nothing has to be perfect or even better than last year. When we expect too much of ourselves, we lose.

It's not just that you have shelter and food and love...you have accomplishments to be proud of. Your son is growing, your marriage is together, you've published a novel, you've started a blog that is helpful to many.

Maybe you should read about another mother in Berkeley who found that she was most fulfilled when she was nurturing her best talents rather than worrying about what others were doing.

Enjoy the season.

grannyj

12/24/2011 10:58:08 am

Liz I hope you get your snowball fight and your belly laughs and that after the tears you will smile again. My friend's husband is in the palliative stages of his illness and she has determined that she will make this holiday one to remember- with laughter and tears- I am in awe of both of you. I will pass on the book suggestion. Marie- this is how I try to live my life as well. The time we do have is far too precious to worry about dust and getting the meals on the table at 6. Tomorrow I will spend my time with my husband, my children, my grandchildren, and later in the day, my best friend. I do not need for anything more. I wish you all a wonderful day and thank you for your company.

12/24/2011 11:24:29 am

This is a sweet Christmas animation in which family is important:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWQuDtxD2-c&feature=email

grannyj

12/25/2011 09:44:13 am

Well I wasted time last night in bed thinking about my terribly worded sentence. It should read- "I do not need anything more." I just had to pop back in and fix that. : )

Laura Novak

12/27/2011 01:30:50 am

Granny J., your sentence was not poorly worded! I know you to be a smart, articulate and sensitive commenter. And here, you were no different! Grammar mistakes are always allowed here!

I hope everyone had a good few days. I'll put up a new Tao tomorrow, but for now, am still recovering from the hoopla!

Laura Novak

12/27/2011 01:30:54 am

Laura Novak

12/28/2011 03:20:08 am

In case anyone is reading this: I am having a very difficult time getting on line this morning, in terms of web pages loading and navigating between things. It's a household problem for us right now.

So, my new Tao post is not working. I'll have to try it again later (tried a few times already.) I'll get the new passage up as soon as I can. Thanks for your patience!

Laura Novak

12/28/2011 03:20:17 am

Laura Novak

12/28/2011 03:20:41 am

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