Bereft and Bereaved

10/31/2011

This weekend we lost our beloved feral cat who had become like a baby to us. It was a violent but quick end and we are in such shock and mourning, we can all barely think straight. What began with a starved, near death cat nosing around in the dirt for food five years ago, ended up with a 12-pound big baby boy who got into bed every night and slept under the down comforters for 8 or 9 hours - most often with this head on my arm and his paws in my hand.

He survived horrible injuries and many doses of antibiotics, which he loved swirled in heavy whipping cream that we called "smoothies." He also loved warm sponge baths and being brushed and hugged and squeezed with way too many kisses from his mom on top of his head. But then that feral thing kicked in daily and he loved to hunt and maim and kill and then belch up fur and feathers. That's when he wasn't eating organic beef or poultry off his own dishes next to the dinner table with us.

We named him Jeeves Hussein Novak because he wore a white tuxedo shirt. And he was black and skinny with a little more white mixed in. And of course he was a Democrat. But our notched-ear, neutered feral ended up with myriad nicknames and a thick coat just like an otter. He was ridiculous and funny, and still nervous but pliable and still learning how to live in a house. And he was so full of love it hurts. My Jeevsie left way too soon.

The vet will bring back his ashes this week. And then I'll always know where he is and that he's safe. But I already miss him more than I have words to describe. And I can't believe he won't walk in my office door any minute now and crunch on some kibble before tossing me a look and heading back outdoors.

Feel free to keep going on the previous thread, or here. I don't really feel much like writing right now. I'll check in again when I'm ready.

granny j link

10/31/2011 08:31:51

I know just how you feel. It hurts so much. Our animals give us so much and really ask so little of us. The quote I love is the one that I think is on Barbaro's grave- "Grief is the price we pay for love." Take the time you need to mourn your Jeeves, Laura. I am still mourning my beautiful crazy dog, Riley, who I lost a year ago. I am sending you hugs.

Sandy link

10/31/2011 09:06:08

oh no....our feral SF street cat was with us for 17 years before we lost her in July. When we got her, she was ringwormy, earmitey, and soooo tiny. Any time is too short with a loveykitty. Pictures provided my therapy... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quWbnxJtgNc&feature=player_embedded
I know what you are going through...I still see her ghost. Soo sorry.

Ottoline

10/31/2011 09:09:26

They give us so much by caring about us. The thought of his sleeping with you like that -- I bet he knew he was lucky, but didn't know how lucky you were to have him. My sympathy. I know what a loss our loved pets are when they leave us for good.

daisydem

10/31/2011 09:15:58

My heart hurts for you. My eyes are wet with tears. We lost our first cat at the age of 20 and that felt too soon. The day we had to give her up, I stood that afternoon at the front door and white feathers came floating down our street. A sign .. yes, I think so. Remember your precious kitty with fondness and gratefulness for sharing his life and space with you. Namaste.

California Dreamin'

10/31/2011 09:35:39

I'm so sorry for your loss. All our kitties are/were feral/rescues. Once they learn to trust us, they become the best companions, don't they?? Right now, we have a lovably obnoxious little boy cat that should have died when he was dropped off at the doorstep of a local cat rescue. He is the best cat and tolerates so much 'lovin' from the kids (and my kisses and squeezes!) My heart also hurts for you...

DebinOH

10/31/2011 09:37:24

My thoughts are with you. Our little furry friends mean so much to us and really they are like my kids too! My brother has about 6-8 cats at any given time because no one in his neighborhood believes in spaying/neutering them. He gets them fixed and they all come to his house for dinner and conversation (+ a few cat fights here & there).

We are catless for the moment but we found a beautiful black lab wondering around our parking lot 3 years ago and he is sitting next to me getting lots of loving. The doxie we actually got for the boys (allergy reasons). She tolerates the lab now but boy she did not like him one iota when he came home with us.

Just know that he had a much better life with you guys and I am sure he was so grateful to share his space with you:)

nancydrew link

10/31/2011 09:38:11

Laura -- I'm so sorry. Anyone who has ever loved a pet knows what you're feeling. Losing one in an accident makes it even harder I think.

Sharon TN

10/31/2011 09:46:09

10/04, our gray tiger "Friendly,"
who showed up at the house when we lived in western NY 17yrs. ago, passed away. 4 days before he'd been diagnosed with liver & kidney failure. He died
on our bed wrapped in a blanket. He's buried in a sunny spot out back. I painted a small wooden cross white & painted the words: "Friendly," 1994 - 10/4, Beloved gray tiger who truly lived up to his name," in black letters.
I know exactly how sad you & your family
are.

Sharon TN

mary b

10/31/2011 09:46:27

Oh Laura,

I am so, so sorry for your loss!!
I had lost my best friend a few years ago, a little mixed breed Shiz Shzu named Arlo. He used to wait by the door for me to come home from work every single day. He was a lovable, cuddly companion.
Actually, it was more like 14 yrs ago he had passed, but never a day goes by that I don't think of him and miss him.
Animals~ Pets~ are full of unconditional love for us!
The pain does get better.
I will always be grateful for my time with Arlo.
I only wish that people could love each other as much as our dear pets love us.

eclecticsandra

10/31/2011 10:03:33

I always think that maybe someday we will be reunited with those we love. It helps with the healing. Loving is a good thing except when it hurts so much.

Cdud

10/31/2011 10:12:45

sad.

http://rainbowsbridge.com/poem.htm

curiouser

10/31/2011 10:17:22

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Anne

10/31/2011 10:20:27

I sit not more then eight feet away from the ashes of my 12 year shepard and 18 year old cat as I write this.I too understand your loss,and am so sorry for your pain and the death of your four legged friend.I send a hug your way.

Beaglemom

10/31/2011 10:25:02

I'm a dog person but I share your grief. When our first dog died at the age of sixteen, we all saw her in her special spots around the house (at the top of the stairs, or looking around a corner, etc. Momentary glimpses but there she would be. She finally disappeared when we got our next dog (by answering a newspaper ad on the last day that the ad was to appear and first noticed by our son who was home sick from school). I've always thought that our first dog, a puppy foundling from the local Animal Rescue Shelter, stayed around to help us find her replacement and then she went on to dog heaven.

OzMud link

10/31/2011 10:53:10

*hugs*

sharon

10/31/2011 10:58:06

ohhhh....that just makes my heart ache for you and your sweet buddy. The older i get the more I realize how much more animals are gifted in the area of unconditional love.

We humans - we need to go to therapy and talk about our trust issues and wounded hearts and family dysfunction and blah, blah, blah before we can reach that unconditional love thing - that is - if we ever do.

I always wondered why our beautiful companions are with us for such a short time - our lives are so blessed by their amazing love and the comfort they give us every moment of every day.

They don't have to buy us flowers or use words to tell us they love us....they don't have to make sure they remember our birthdays....

What is it exactly that they give us then? It's the unspoken and pure loving connection between us and them. It's only something that can be felt in the deepest part of our hearts and souls.

I think I know why they're only here for a brief time. It's because our Creator knew these precious souls were here to teach us and if we had them forever, we might not ever have the opportunity to tell others how much we miss them and why.

It's because no human can ever understand this until they've shared their journey with a precious soul like Jeeves.

I lost a dear and loving girl in 2004 and I still ache to hold tasha in my arms and laugh with her again. She was the sweetest, most protective and loving friend I've ever had.

And she never spoke a word. Incredible

10/31/2011 11:16:32

I'm so sorry! We've lost a couple of cats "too soon," and if I let myself think about it it can still rip my heart out. Sounds like Jeeves had a nice life, though: former street urchin makes good!

Suzie

10/31/2011 11:24:43

Bless you and yours for adopting abandoned critters, loving them and giving them good homes.

10/31/2011 11:35:01

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've had 3 dogs, two of which were homeless/neglected early in their lives. They were all special, but the homeless ones were always seemed to crave love, like they were trying to compensate for lost time. It sounds like your boy found that with you.

SCmommy

10/31/2011 11:38:50

I'm so, so, so sorry for your loss. He sounds just beautiful, inside and out. I still miss my Miss Peep, the first baby of the family, who I had to have put to sleep at age 17 when she became so sick it was cruel to make her suffer any longer. It was so difficult, and I still listen for her tiny mew that inspired her name.

Hoping your precious memories of your beloved boy will carry you thru the difficult moments. Sending love & hugs to all of you as you mourn this loss. xoxoxo

mary

10/31/2011 11:53:17

So sorry for you and your family, Laura. I love my pets so much and I know how heartbreaking it is to lose one. The love that they give and that we feel for them is so pure. Hope you can feel some peace sooner than later.

Rationalist

10/31/2011 12:26:46

Aw, Laura, I'm sorry.

Best book for the felinely bereaved: "The Tenth Good Thing About Barney," by Judith Viorst.

anonfornow

10/31/2011 12:28:01

I'm so sorry, Laura. Their lives are so short, that even when long-lived they can only be with us for such a brief space of time. And then they go, leaving joy, heartache, and a wistful remembrance. For years we had five cats, but now we're down to three, and none of them are under 12. I plan to give each of them an extra hug tonight.

Jack

10/31/2011 12:45:23

Laura,
I have 4 of Gods creatures, 2 Abysinnians and 2 rescues. Every day I'm amazed at how these critters give their unselfish love and attention for nothing more than some dry food and an occasional can of tuna. I'm mobbed when I get home from work and it continues until I go to bed. I count my bleesings every day. Because of what I've learned from these "dumb animals", I generously donate to numerous non profit rescue groups and shelters. It's too bad others choose to donate to political action groups who fund entinities whom attend Hollywood events, such as "Dancing with the Stars". These donated funds are re-imbursed by our Federal Tax System. I'm so glad my tax dollars paid (in part) someones expenses for that farse.(sic) So many good things could benefit...but it just slides to the gutter.
So sorry about your loss.

litbrit link

10/31/2011 13:08:44

Oh dear, oh dear...I am so sorry, Laura. There is nothing I can say to make it better. I know this all too well; we all do. Just that I am sorry, that I know, that your readers are all with you in our way.

10/31/2011 13:48:46

A beautiful eulogy. Thank you.

Celia Harrison

10/31/2011 14:14:53

I have had all my pets cremated and hope to eventually have a special garden to honor them where I can spread their ashes.

10/31/2011 18:06:06

Very sorry for your loss. I too keep an inside feral who has a long list of rules.
Along with her half brothers who dont have any rules.

Ive got about 9 urns....and hope we all go in the same hole beneath the same tree.
Ive told people when I go just put my old horses down with me, cremate us all and find the tree.

Dont worry about your kittie, he is not far away. And Im Sure they check up on us.

10/31/2011 19:44:14

I'm so very sorry for your loss, Laura. Losing a beloved member of the family is painful. When my much-loved (and formerly feral) old feline companion died three years ago, I found this song by Kate Rusby helpful in my sadness, and I pass it on to you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iaN8M0pDOeM

May Jeeves go gently.

jManxMamma

10/31/2011 20:27:48

My heart goes out to you. The love of a feral kitty seems just a bit more precious. I'm so sorry he's gone.

suzanne

10/31/2011 20:56:47

So sorry for you and Jeevsie - what comforting comments from all. He can frolic with Jax now.

mistah charley, ph.d. link

10/31/2011 21:54:19

I’m sorry for your loss. I’m reminded of my Pau, gone not quite two years now. I admired his authenticity and engagement with life, and strove to live up to his unconditional trust.

This is your Pau – what a great cat
Enjoy your Pau and love him like that

Groove with the rhythm, bopping down the block
move his paws and tail as he go hip-hop

Purr at the neighbor, purr at the sky
Life is a blessing – why ask why

Energy moving his fur and bones –
This is his life – this is his home

Something good happen – maybe soon
Maybe next week – maybe next June

Count all your blessings – let go of strife
This is your Pau – treasure his life.

Thorn

10/31/2011 23:19:01

Dear Laura,

I know what it's like. Time is kind, and though the wound is stabby and sharp now, I hope that it fades swiftly, leaving only the good feelings behind.

I leave you my favorite quote.

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

Of course, the tears come regardless, but it's a nice thought to meditate upon during the healing process.

comeonpeople

10/31/2011 23:48:46

I am sorry for your loss and heartache Laura. Pets bring such fun, love, comfort and challenges into our lives. Grieve as you need to and someday maybe you won't "cry because it's over...smile because it was."

Here is a story to try and cheer you. We have 2 bengal cats, a year old, a male and female. I decorated the house 10/1 for Halloween, including these sticky things on the kitchen window that read "Happy Halloween". The cats would look at them and sniff them and move on. Today I come downstairs and they are mostly off the window and in sticky balls on the floor. HOW DID THEY KNOW HALLOWEEN WAS OVER and I don't care now if they play with them?? Pretty cool!

lilly lily

11/1/2011 00:47:27

Jeeves is with you and always will be in your heart.

My last enormous Shepherd Maxx was 16 and when he jumped off the porch he broke his back. I fed him ham scraps and pain killers and took him to the vet to be euthanized, feeding him scraps and petting him as he eased quickly out of life. He was cremated in a group of other pets. I didn't claim the ashes.

Two weeks later as I was adding scraps to the compost I saw him in the bright morning sun on the porch. I turned to my car to retrieve my camera, and when I turned back he had vanished.

A few weeks later he reappeared, smiling his doggy grin and wagging his tail as he always did. Hey, human mom I'm home again. (I could never leave him at a kennel as he always escaped. Had to leave him with loving friends.)

He stood on the stairs in his prime, a beautiful shepherd to the last, and I told him how much I missed him, and how happy I was to see him.

Maxx slowly disolved, even though I could still make out every hair, every bit of his incorperal presense.

I always feel him there on the side porch, protecting the house and me. He had been a joy to us all his entire life, not aggressive, but protective.

It wasn't a visual hallucination.

They say the spirit lingers the first month after death.

Jeeves is still with you, whole and well in spirit.

HudsonElizabeth

11/1/2011 00:58:06

Dear Laura,
My heart goes out to you. How lucky you were to find Jeeves and have him to love and care for. And, how heartbreaking to loose him so early.

Being a cat lover of many years, I know how hard it is to loose them but continue to get new ones because there is so much happiness before they leave us and that makes the loss tolerable when it happens.

One thing I have noticed -- every cat I have is the best one ever. I don't know how it happens, but each new cat just seems to have all that the previous ones did plus extra. Right now I have 3, a 13 year old girl and 9 year old brother and sister. They all came from our Humane Society and they are all so much fun that every day when I wake up and find them on my bed or elsewhere in my room, I tell them I am the luckiest person in the world to have them in my life.

So, I hope that you give yourself the pleasure of being a kitty mom again as soon as you feel the pull for another one. It won't be Jeeves, but will be another great friend to you.

Viola-Alex

11/1/2011 01:13:01

Animals know grieving time and give themselves full into it, without trying to cheer themselves up or explain away loss. They dive into the sadness and stay until they are done. So much wiser than we are, in so many ways.

My condolences to you and your family for your loss of Jeeves.

11/1/2011 03:01:03

11/1/2011 03:01:51

I am so sorry for your loss Laura.

V ictoria link

11/1/2011 04:12:45

Alas, nearly everything dies. But think of the absolutely wonderful life you gave him!

The ache will continue for a long time. Whenever I see a black sock on the floor I think it's the cat I had for 15 years - little Rani, who loved me but was basically rude to (or terrified of) everyone else.

Condolences.

FrostyAK

11/1/2011 04:25:29

Let me add my condolences on the loss of a best friend, a child.

Ferals can claim our hearts and souls as no others are able. They are difficult, with their own set of rules. They just don't/won't follow our rules. When they give you their trust, it is monumental.

Remember, Jeeves had a life because you cared for him. And he gave you the most precious gift of all in return - unconditional love. Mourn him as you must, but rejoice that his life was mingled with yours.

lilly lily

11/1/2011 06:48:47

Nov 1st is Day of the Dead for deceased infants and children. Nov. 2nd for adults.

Personally I think animals have souls.

We all mourn them for the loyalty and love they give unstintingly.

LisaB2595

11/1/2011 08:21:38

I'm so sorry. My dad told me a long time ago that the biggest drawback of a long life span was you had to bury a lot of pets. Knowing that is just how it is doesn't make the loss any harder to take though. I still think about all my lost kitties, and hope the kind and loving God I believe in will let me see them again.

bob

11/1/2011 11:51:28

The death of a beloved pet is one of the saddest of experiences. I'm so sorry for your loss. I love tuxedo cats--one is sitting next to me now, singing away. He was feral, once upon a time, too. He worked hard to find the courage to be in the same room as me and now is the cuddliest of cats. I'm sure Jeeves worked hard to do the same with you.

Jeeves was a wonderful member of your family and your grief honors his contribution.

I had the same reaction as you in that i wanted the ashes of my previous cat so that i would know where he was, and that he was safe, and that comforted me. Thank you for mentioning this.

I love the name Jeeves.

ella

11/1/2011 13:16:16

If tears could build a stairway,
And memories a lane,
I'd climb right up to Heaven
And bring "Jeeves" home again.

((HUGS))

Allison link

11/2/2011 02:24:02

Your loss is a heartbreaker. We have 4 cats, all of them came to us. The sweetly you described sounds like our "Hobo" I' ll give him extra hugs tonight and think of you.

Les

11/2/2011 09:10:33

my sympathies to you & your family on the loss of your beloved jeevsie.

Sherryn

11/2/2011 14:16:41

Dear Laura,

Your grace while sharing Jeeve's life moved me to tears. May the gift of unconditional love he gave and memories help you find some measure of solace.

My deepest condolences to you and your family in your time of loss.

daisydem

11/3/2011 01:39:31

Just thinking of you.

Jolene

11/3/2011 01:54:10

I feel your loss deeply, Laura. I, too, am grieving for the loss of our beautiful Irish Setter in early October. She lived 14 wonderful years, sleeping in her LL Bean bed every night right next to ours. The loss of this beloved companion is indescribable. You have my deepest sympathy and I know how you feel about posting--I've lost almost all interest in even reading about politics, much less about Sarah Palin.

Take care.

FEDUP!!!

11/3/2011 03:32:16

{{{HUGGGZZZ}}}

After my bunny died at the ripe old age of 11 1/2 years, a dear friend snt me the below poem. It helped me somewhat. May it bring you some solace, too!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE RAINBOW BRIDGE

There is a bridge connecting Heaven and Earth. It is called the Rainbow Bridge because of its many colors. Just this side of the Rainbow Bridge, there is a land of meadows, hills and valleys with lush green grass.
When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this place. There is always food and water and warm spring weather. The old and frail animals are young again. Those who are maimed are made whole again. They play all day with each other.
There is only one thing missing. They are not with their special person who loved them on Earth. So, each day they run and play until the day comes when one suddenly looks up! The nose twitches. The ears are up. The eyes are staring. And this one suddenly runs from the group.
You have been seen, and when you and your special friend meet, you take her in your arms and embrace. Your face is kissed again and again and again, and you look once more into the eyes of your trusted pet.
Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together, never again to be separated.

ann schneider

11/3/2011 12:39:44

I am so sorry. I had a similar feral cat that I loved with all my heart. I believe they come to us out of their need or ours and it doesn't really matter which. The special souls that stay in our hearts forever. The pet I was closest to actually, and he slept like yours did.
thoughts...ann

alley alabaster

1/20/2012 00:10:46

I feel so very sorry for your loss and my thoughts go out to you.
My beloved cat Maxwell was put to sleep last friday.he was diagnosed with chronic renal failure in October 2010 and i was told that his life expectancy would be very limited but he lived for another 15 months with no symptoms except drinking lots of water.He was 3 months shy of his 21st birthday so he spent most of the day asleep,either in his bed or snuggled up with me.
now he's gone i feel bereft.the pain of my grief unbearable.i can't stop crying.i cannot be comforted.
i knew i would be devastated when he died and i was lucky enough to have 15 months to love and adore him and give him the life he deserved.i also took a ridiculous amount of photo's of him,to capture his every look,to immortalise his wholeness,so i could be comforted when he was no longer a full and healthy presence in our flat,where we so happily shared our lives together.
i'm broken and the only thing that can fix me is him.my darling boy. Maxwell Alabaster R.I.P

Laura Novak

1/20/2012 01:53:59

Dear Alley Alabaster,

I am so very very sorry for your loss. I know how unbearable it is. It sounds as though you were a fabulous parent who gave infinite love to Maxwell. It's months later and I still cry about Jeevsie, and so perhaps will you. Yes, Maxwell is the only thing that can fix it. So, all you can do is cry. The gratitude for their life kicks in slowly and peaks through the clouds more often. Thank you for writing and sharing your story. I am so very sorry for your loss.

Tiffany and Co Outlet link

5/25/2012 10:39:29

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Polo Outlet link

5/25/2012 10:41:14

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Bereft and Bereaved

Laura Novak

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