It Was 21 Years Ago Today

10/1/2011

...that we were married at a friend's house in the Napa Valley. It was the second best day of my life, after our son being born, of course. We were so young and happy and life held much promise. And much of it has come true, though we never anticipated the battering we'd take having a medically fragile child enter our lives.

The good news is that we've always been on the same page as far as our son's care was concerned. And while those were tough years, we've both found our way through life, careers, parenthood, and marriage.

I would not call our life a "contract." Rather, a deep, abiding, and loving friendship. And so far, there have been no homicides on the books.

I drive my husband crazy. There's not doubt about that. And sometimes I refer to him as my "first husband" because if he asks me again where I "keep the sheets" or "hid the vacuum cleaner" I think I"ll murder him.

But I also know that if I told him one day that I wanted to be President of the United States, my husband would take me to a doctor. He loves me. He respects my intelligence (what there is left of it) but he would also truly fear for our nation if I were somehow put in charge.

We are older, wiser, wider, and more wrinkled. But that's what 25 years in total will do for you.

That's my story. What's yours?

10/1/2011 02:56:58

Wonderful!

pallottine

10/1/2011 03:14:52

That was nice. Thanks for sharing.

lilly lily

10/1/2011 03:29:34

My husband used to refer to me as the first and only Mrs........

And after 40 years he said his only regret was that it couldn't be 40 more.

I'm sure I drove him nuts sometimes, but he knew what he wanted and that was me. And that was from the minute he laid eyes on me. I was a trifle more hesitant, I waited until the seconddate to say yes.

I'm sure that is how you both will feel after 40 years of ups and downs which is any humans lot in marriage. An imperfect but wonderful institution if you take the time to hang onto each other.

Ottoline

10/1/2011 03:33:14

A beautiful photo and a beautiful story. Thank you, Laura.

NSG

10/1/2011 03:33:32

Happy Anniversary, Laura! I really appreciate what you said about the "deep, abiding, loving friendship."

My husband & I just passed our 25-years-together mark, will celebrate 24th wedding anniv this winter. That's a BUNCH of shared life together, and I can positively say I wouldn't trade it for anything. Hope he can say the same! ;-)

So our marriages are about as long as the Palins'. When I think about them as a couple, based on what we hear, I can't imagine staying together for that long with that much ugliness. ::shudder::

Cheers to you!

Viola-Alex

10/1/2011 03:40:47

A toast to you both! How beautiful you are in your wedding photo!

(I laughed at your "First Wife." I tease my husband of 3 years that I am his "Starter Wife," because I'm training him for the next, younger, cuter one. He gets upset when I say that, which pleases me no end.)

Laura Novak link

10/1/2011 03:42:49

That's lovely Lilly. And NSG, it IS a lot of time together. And I don't know how anyone survives it with shouting and throwing cans at one another. It's hard enough without the drama. Though a sick child will throw more drama your way than one can imagine.

I must say though, that my husband is the one who took the skunk carcasses out from under the floor boards. So, he can't be all that bad. :-)

FEDUP!!!

10/1/2011 03:42:50

Happy anniversary - and many, many happy ones to come!
Enjoy your day, and try not to think of $arah et al!

search4more

10/1/2011 03:52:54

Your looking super hot in that wedding dress Laura.

Persephone

10/1/2011 04:05:10

What lovely sentiments, Laura. Happy, happy anniversary! You are truly stunning in that picture.

Hubby and I are coming up on just 11 years (having not found each other until we were 35), but it's been an eventful time. Two cross-country moves, an unexpected and very difficult pregnancy, the purchase of a business right when the economy was faltering...and we're still very much in love with each other and our wonderful son. I'm wife #2, so he likes to tell me I'm the "best wife." He's just the best, period.

Viola-Alex

10/1/2011 04:09:40

@skunks - I forgot to tell you. I heard on NPR that there is a skunk population explosion nationwide. Tell your husband that you two are just early adopters.

Cracklin Charlie

10/1/2011 04:23:22

Congratulations to the happy couple!

Your photograph is beautiful, and I wish you many more happy years together. My husband and I just celebrated our twenty-seventh year of marriage.
Early in our marriage, I told Mr. Cracklin Charlie that I would give him five dollars to empty the dishwasher. He said okay, and after putting everything away (about half in the right place), he said "You don't have to give me $5, I did that for free". I said "Good, because it was only a symbolic $5."
To this day, hardly a week goes by that one of us offers the other a symbolic $5 for some chore or the other. Even my kids friends are in on the joke. We have had lots of laughs for that symbolic $5.
Have a great day!

DebinOH

10/1/2011 04:52:24

Congratulations!!!!!

I've been married for 27-1/4 years. I even work with my husband (drive in the same car 45 min there and 45 min back). His office is right next to mine with a nice big window so I can look at him all day long! I cannot begin to tell you how many clients have said to me that they have no idea how I work with a spouse. Did I mention he is also my boss?

I guess it is kind of weird, but I figure we save a ton of gas, I don't have to wear fancy clothes and we just never talk about work once we are on our way home. You just have to learn to separate husband/wife role to boss/employee role. Works for us;)

I am reading the Nicole Wallace book and boy does Todd come off just as I suspected he would be like in real life. I HATE supporting this woman but it is interesting to see how the other side of the isle dealt with her. I cannot believe that this woman didn't quit though and how she even sleeps at night knowing that she promoted this woman for office.

Sorry Laura, I will have to read your book next weekend. I had no idea that this book was coming out and since I read Joe's book it felt right to continue to this one. Even though I want to smack these people for ever even letting SP get out of AK.

mistah charley, ph.d.

10/1/2011 05:00:30

Spouse and self have fifteen years of married life under our belts. It was the first marriage for each of us, so far. We married late in life, as one of my aunts put it - it was the fiftieth anniversary of my parents' wedding. No kids, just cats (one, then two, now one again).

Q: How's your spouse?
A: Compared to what?

Since we became a couple, I have been going with her to the church of her choice (Catholic), and we repeat prayers together every night using prayers I learned as a child (the Lord's Prayer) as well as some I learned since we got together (Hail Mary, The Prayer of St. Francis). In the Roman Church I do as the Romans do, and if I disagree with official teaching I politely keep my mouth shut. At home I sometimes express my disagreement - for example, the Archdiocese of Washington recently harmonized church teaching with D.C. law requiring equal employee family benefits for same-sex spouses of lay employees by abolishing medical insurance for ALL new spouses, same sex or opposite sex. I wrote a letter to the Archbishop disagreeing with this, and he very kindly had his assistant write back to me, explaining why his policy was correct.

My wife knows that I follow the Gospel of Monty Python, as explained in The Meaning of Life movie. At another blog, a fellow commenter said: "I think my favorite Monty Python lines are from The Meaning Of Life: 'Well, that's the end of the film, now here's the meaning of life…Well, it's nothing special. Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations'."

I agree that it's "nothing special" - in the Zen sense of that phrase, I think. And yet why is it so hard for people to do it?

The answer appears in the Central Scene of the film, in the boardroom of the Very Big Corporation of America, Inc.

=================================

Exec #1: Item six on the agenda: "The Meaning of Life" Now uh, Harry, you've had some thoughts on this.
Exec #2: Yeah, I've had a team working on this over the past few weeks, and what we've come up with can be reduced to two fundamental concepts. One: People aren't wearing enough hats. Two: Matter is energy. In the universe there are many energy fields which we cannot normally perceive. Some energies have a spiritual source which act upon a person's soul. However, this "soul" does not exist ab initio as orthodox Christianity teaches; it has to be brought into existence by a process of guided self-observation. However, this is rarely achieved owing to man's unique ability to be distracted from spiritual matters by everyday trivia.
Exec #3: What was that about hats again?
Exec #2: Oh, Uh... people aren't wearing enough.
Exec #1: Is this true?
Exec #4: Certainly. Hat sales have increased but not pari passu, as our research...
Exec #3: [Interrupting] "Not wearing enough"? enough for what purpose?
Exec #5: Can I just ask, with reference to your second point, when you say souls don't develop because people become distracted...
[looking out window]
Exec #5: Has anyone noticed that building there before?

At this point, the Crimson Permanent Assurance firm makes its hostile take-over bid.

This scene can be viewed at tinyurl dot com slash 6qba8l
=================================

"Wearing enough hats" is being used in both a literal and a metaphorical sense in this scene. When it is said that "Hat sales have increased, but not pari passu", we must be talking about literal hats. But metaphorically, "to wear more than one hat" is to take on more than one role in a setting or organization - which would increase the opportunities for "guided self-observation" to assist in the development of the soul. This is the film's deepest explanation of how to find life's meaning.

British psychiatrist Robin Skynner, who wrote two books with John Cleese, was a member of the Gurdjieff Society. The resemblance of this scene to Gurdjieff's teaching is clear to informed observers.

A Catholic psychologist once explained to me that three basic assumptions underlie the religious life: that the Universe is here on purpose; that humans have or can have some connection with that purpose; and that one can consciously participate in cooperating with that purpose. I'm willing to take these as working assumptions, and outwardly follow the religious forms of my European ancestors, and so missus charley and I are fellow pilgrims wandering through this world below, in the hope or expectation of receiving God's justice and mercy in the next life, or the one after that (if any, is my silent reservation - but I really don't know, do I?)

10/1/2011 05:07:29

After my grandparents celebrated their 50th, someone recorded an interview with him. I listened to the tape and asked my grandmother how she felt hearing him say so many nice things about her. She said with a straight face, "That was about his first wife."

OzMud link

10/1/2011 05:31:20

Congratulations on your 21st anniversary - and how good is it you've weathered it all together - undoubtedly due to starting out in Napa - all that good clean air - you look radiant btw :)

Happy days!
-Oz

Laura Novak link

10/1/2011 05:34:03

Oh B., I am laughing about that. Very funny. We are at the stage where we can pat the air at the other indicating "pipe down" when the other is ranting. I recall my grandparents, married 50-plus years, doing the same. Is there a genetic link?

Or as Mistah Charley might say, is it encoded in the universe? Our experiences are so universal, aren't they?

On marriage, it's a delicate dance. Best when we compliment one another. I don't mean verbally, but instead, when we make up for one another's weaknesses or praise each other's strengths.

Deb, my husband and I work right near one another. We meet up at the water cooler and compare notes. Only there's no one else to hear us.

Tell us more about how Todd is portrayed. This is the first I've heard reference to it.

curiouser

10/1/2011 05:42:14

Wonderful story. Happy Anniversary, Laura!

My marriage produced amazingly wonderful children but the marriage itself has no sweet stories. I did learn some important life lessons after the fact. Perhaps the most important one was that dysfunction wreaks havoc on children...havoc I couldn’t even see while I was under the stress of survival mode and focused on keeping the marriage together and my children safe. For too many years I set aside common sense reasoning and believed my pastor that divorce wasn't an option. Putting on a 'happy family face' to cover a dark reality teaches children (and adults) to distrust their instincts and alters their sense of reality.

Integrity and truth can cause discomfort and embarrassment but the alternative farce is destructive. Decades later I’m still learning of the harm caused by my being the good Christian wife and mother.

curiouser

10/1/2011 05:50:13

Deb - Yes. Please tell us more.

Sharon_Too_Also

10/1/2011 06:21:00

Laura - As the comments here illustrate, this is a diverse group that drops in here to visit. It is probably one of the reasons we find it intellectually stimulating.

So from the other end of the spectrum - from one who could never quite find the courage to take that walk down the isle - let me offer you my most sincere congratulations on 21 years together.

Mrs Gunka

10/1/2011 06:26:47

Congratulations! May you have many more. We are working on 53! (Dec 27th) He is suffering from dementia and some days doesn't even know me, but I cherish the days he does! We had a wonderful life before he got sick and have 4 great kids and the most wonderful grandchildren in the world! :-) I won't bore you with the thousands of pictures we cherish!

He always liked to tell people we have been happily married for 20 years and 20 out of 40 ain't bad!! Through all our normal trials and tribulations we always had a sense of humor. It's better to laugh at yourself than cry. Always kiss goodnight and don't go to bed angry. I've had 11 years longer than I should have as he had 4th stage bone, kidney and brain cancer but he pulled through. I don't mind changing his depends and having to tell him each night how to take off his clothes as I so love him dearly...through sickness and health, for richer or poorer, we have made it this far and not ever going to give up.He has lost his hearing but can still read my lips when I tell him I love him and he says he loves me back. Marriage is 50-50 if you want it to be 100%!

V ictoria link

10/1/2011 06:30:31

Laura - congratulations! It seems that your marriage is another bit of being the rill dill, instead of the shallow fake.

Mistah Charley, I enjoyed your post!

Tom link

10/1/2011 06:35:51

Mush.

Curves for women.

My most important post is stuck back there.

This is how you've (women) made Oprah, Rosie, Ellen et al wealthy. Let's talk about nothing.

Mush.

Lynn

10/1/2011 06:42:20

congratulations! I hope you have a great day and will celebrate many more.

23 years here. My only regret is that it was 1988, and I somehow made my bridesmaids wear sea foam green floral dresses with matching shoes, but it has grown into such a legendary joke that I might not even change that.

I don't think there are many secrets, but both of us have parents who were married 60+ years before becoming widowed.

I have only had one brand new refrigerator during these 23 years, and while I'm not a fancy freak, there's no way it is getting dented.

Talking about this makes me almost pity the Palins their misery. Almost.

Lynn

10/1/2011 06:56:22

Oops, forgot to add-
For DebinOH-
Laura's book is in my opinion, better than Nicolle Wallace's, although the skewering of SP was delicious. I liked Wallace's book but the character development was weakish. She made sure Palin won't sue her, though- her VP character seemed to have an actual area of expertise (as a former DA) and so that proves she could not have been referring to Sarah!

10/1/2011 07:02:18

@Laura.

Yes, the genetics between us and our grandparents is much more interesting stuff than we were taught. The egg that created you was created in your mother inside your grandmother. Genetic markers were set. Perhaps the environment that coaxed Gran to pat the air (assuming it was your mother's mother) became encoded in the future you. (The great book Survival of the Sickest provokes such thoughts.)

As to the "first wife" jokes, almost 100 years after the fact, we discovered the grandmother on the other side had a "first husband." She went off to teach in a small community and married a local. Her parents went and got her, had the marriage annulled, and quickly married her off to my grandfather. The first marriage was never mentioned again until genealogy research found it.

I suspect hiding early marriages used to be common. After the death of his aunt, my brother-in-law found a newspaper announcement of his father's first marriage (mid 1940's). Surprise! A family friend said it was brief, but was outraged that the aunt had left that among her papers where the son could find it. That generation felt it should be forgotten. Ours finds it very human.

10/1/2011 07:08:28

@Tom. "This is how you've (women) made Oprah, Rosie, Ellen et al wealthy. Let's talk about nothing."

I don't understand your comment but I think it was an insult. Actually, wasn't it Seinfeld (the man) who got rich talking about nothing?

mary

10/1/2011 07:31:25

You were a beautiful bride, Laura! Congratulations on your anniversary!

mary

10/1/2011 07:35:08

@Lynn, I agree with your assessment of Nicolle Wallace's book. She made "Tara" much less nasty than Sarah and also had her weight gain as a sign of her mental instability, rather than have her losing weight and not eating, as Sarah did in campaign '08. All in all, not a terrible book but nothing special. I wonder what John McCain thinks of it. For that matter, I wonder what he thinks of the interview that Wallace and Steve Schmidt did with Rachel Maddow last week. Is he still PROUD of Sarah Palin?

Palinoia

10/1/2011 07:57:11

Laura, congratulations to you and your husband, Happy Anniversary!

My favorite bird are swans because they represent everlasting love. My husband and I just had our first anniversary, and he is my rock in life! I just wish I would have found him a lot sooner, but I guess I appreciate him much much more since I didn't.

I hope you have many more happy years of wedded fun ahead of you Laura.

Tom link

10/1/2011 08:26:24

@B--

Yes, it was an insult. Seinfeld was a bad analogy, an obvious one. Seinfeld's show was about nothing but you didn't get the joke.

This has become a girly site, like some daytime girly show. They're boring. They're stupid. They're an insult to women.

They're very popular.

Brad Scharlott

10/1/2011 08:37:36

Happy anniversary, Laura!

search4more

10/1/2011 08:42:06

After seeing a picture of your husband Laura, I'm curious what your husbands take on the baby hoax thing is? Is he at all interested in it? You may have talked about this before, but I don't remember. I apologise if I'm asking you to repeat yourself.

------------------------

I just made this photo comparison of Palin. It's the April 1st picture and a couple of pictures from the Elan Frank interview I stuck together. In the video after she shows her belly and she goes crazy slapping it he pans the camera upwards to her face. All I have done is take a screen grab from the beginning and end of that pan to reveal what she looks like sitting down with the bump. It wasn't very easy to see it clearly before because the video on Youtube is quite low resolution.

Have a look. Do you think this would change anyone's mind or is it still too unclear?

http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/845/april1and9photocomparis.jpg

search4more

10/1/2011 08:43:55

If you click on the picture it enlarges and you can see the full resolution version.

KMR

10/1/2011 08:47:17

I just home a bit ago after an afternoon spent out with my daughters. We were shopping for a wedding gown for my youngest daughter, age twenty eight, who'll be getting married in August of 2012.

Much emotion came up.

First, for my second daughter, who was married too young and is now divorced. She was filled with trust, love and hope; so much so that neither her father nor I ever thought anything could go wrong. It did. He cheated on her. They've been divorced for 4 years.

Secondly, I felt emotion for my own young self, as I thought back to 1967 when I married my sweetheart. I was young too, just out of high school but I truly thought my dreams were fulfilled at 19. I too was full of trust, love and hope for our future. A year later my first daughter was born. Not long after, her daddy went to Nam. When he came home he was a different person. His out of control drinking caused our marriage to fall apart.

Seven years after our split I remarried. Trust love and hope got us through some rough spots but since we are now into our thirty fifth year, I think we're going to see it through until the end of our days.

My feelings today were mostly for my youngest as she picked out her wedding dress. She is filled with so much trust, love and hope and knows nothing can go wrong.

Happy anniversary Laura. May trust love and hope guide you and your family through many more years together.

FrostyAK

10/1/2011 08:54:34

@Tom - this is Laura's house, and you are a very rude 'guest'. If you don't like what is being discussed on any given day, go elsewhere. Your comments like this do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to advance your cause (whatever it might be).

Maybe you should start a blog where only 'manly' things are discussed... I promise I will not attend.

Happy Anniversary Laura.

Tom link

10/1/2011 09:13:28

@FrostyAK --And I was gonna invite you to coffee, in between, maybe Eagle River.

You're right though. This is Laura's blog. Other than me, there's one or two men who post here. Brad doesn't count (motive). And you want to disinclude me because I present my view?

I think you may be right. Just get the girl's view.

I'll go to read only. It's not worth my emotiuonal effort to have to read about ears, chins etc. Laura recognizes her market. She's selling to it. Nothing's changed. Best intentions turn into ' quid lucrum istic mihi est.'

I love a breakup. Mrs. Gunka will be pleased.

Lynn

10/1/2011 09:19:24

i don't know about daytime tv or chins and ears, but some of the best memories of my life (and sometimes, pun intended, moments of clarity) were times spent talking about nothing

You just never know.

DebinOH

10/1/2011 09:36:26

Just finished the book. It was okay & nothing great, but interesting to see that what she says matches up pretty much with what Dunn, Joe, anon sources & even what Bailey said. It appears that what she did in Alaska she did on the campaign trail (without all the horrible things she does & says).

Todd was not particularly nice to Sarah and he made people around them uncomfortable with the way he treated her. He went to other people to discuss that she had a "problem" and what would be the best way to help with the problems. He canceled things for her, etc. He was not well liked (after seeing him on camera in the airport & tearing the woman's sign down in AK this doesn't surprise me in the least - I thought he was an arrogant bully prick). He was abusive to her even though it was more psychological than physical. He used their "only" daughter to manipulate her.

Yes, Sarah was treated way too kindly in the book (you almost felt sorry for her) but it was definitely clear that she was bi-polar, depressed, or whatever.

Like I said before, I can't believe that these people knew that she had a psychological problem and let her get so close to the White House. It is appalling. I don't know how they can even live with themselves. How does one compartmentalize their own actions to think that they are good people (regardless that it was just a job)?

I would NEVER trust anything that Wallace or Steve Schmidt ever said regarding politics. I personally think that they are WORSE than SP (that is saying a lot). This may have been a job to them but playing around with our lives and our country is worse. They are not mentally ill (well I guess that is debatable if you really think about it) and at the end of the day SP clearly is the nut so who is worse?

Sorry the review sounds so weird. Since she obviously used different names I didn't want to confuse people. I also just disgusted with all her enablers, etc.

curiouser

10/1/2011 09:39:37

search4more - TERRIFIC photo comparison!

I wish I had someone to test it on. I imagine the April 9 composite may be a stumbling block for some who would cry foul for photoshopping but I'd bet many would drop the objection if they also saw the video. I notice that the face is smaller than in the April 1 pic so you could enlarge it a bit and it might be a better fit with the bottom part.

My personal preference would be a comparison without the questions which I would answer the opposite of expected with an added, 'not sure'.

Kudoos for a great idea and effort!

MicMac

10/1/2011 09:40:47

My story is that my first marriage, and our pregnancy with a multiple birth defect child, did not last. As soon as we checked into UCSF a social worker assigned to us warned us that most marriages with medically challenged children do not last. And to not blame ourselves. And I went on to meet so many families and couples with handicapped and medically challenged kids, whose marriage did not last, as mine did not. So you have beat formidable odds, and can count your treasure, well earned.

The only up side to my story is that my ex husband and I became great, great friends a few years after we got divorced. We still consider ourselves family, help and support each other at every turn, regardless of circumstances, and recently reunioned at our son's 30th surprise birthday party!

Ottoline

10/1/2011 09:50:46

Don't go, Tom. We'll be back at it soon. This is a little breath of fresh air, a reminder that there IS normal life. And that it's quite wonderful. I like people who are cranky contrarians, too. Not that you are. Frosty lives in AK, so we have to give her some slack. How would YOU feel if you lived anywhere near SP? Frosty -- do people in AK dare to have Obama stickers on their car or tee shirt? I wonder if you risk getting a bullet through your bumper, or worse. ?

Laura Novak link

10/1/2011 10:06:14

Actually, Tom, don't ever come here and insult me and my guests - or my very personal posts - again.

I've cut you a lot of slack. I've deleted some of your comments and I've even emailed you.

Apologize, or get out.

Ottoline

10/1/2011 10:06:35

search4more: I do not understand people's reactions to the photos we already have (and your new composites do a great job, too). I don't know why McG didn't include the Mar 14 photo in his book. Or any of the flat-profile photos. (I always add this link in case a newbie is reading:)

http://tinyurl.com/2579nff

But as with the deformed ear (which I did not see on the photos after staring at blow-ups many times, many minutes each), I vaguely recall seeing nothing special in the Mar 14 photo until after someone had done the lightening. And then my eyeballs zoomed out and in several times, cartoon-style.

I think anything that even SUGGESTs photoshopping is not good, because that's one way for a newbie to dismiss photo evidence without the need to even think about it.

I think between the MSM blackout on BabyHoax discussion, and the refusal of so many (like McG) to take the photo evidence seriously, we are stopped in our tracks until that one more thing comes along -- whether it's the IM upcoming post re Levi's book, or "Fred" 's book, or anon238/MA finally giving up SOMEthing, or -- ??

NSG

10/1/2011 10:12:04

Well, I apologize for a full-on O/T on a lovely thread, but when I read the article linked below, I immediately thought of this group.

A woman I know, Hillary Jordan, is a very talented writer. (See why I thought of Laura's place?) Her first book, "Mudbound," was highly acclaimed, and her second, "When She Woke," is currently being released. Originally scheduled for 10/4, but I think it may be out already -- I must go tomorrow to see!

Anyway, I'm not just shilling because I know her, but because I think this group will appreciate the quality of work as well as many of her themes. The two books are very different -- the first is a story of two families in the very racially-charged post-WWII Mississippi Delta.

As for the new one, from the linked interview, "...'When She Woke' takes place in a dystopian future a generation or so away, and too close for comfort. The US government has become a fundamentalist theocracy that resembles a Rick Perry rally on steroids (now known as “nanoenhancers”). It’s as if Jordan has watered the Monsanto seeds of today’s Christian right and let it grow like Jack’s beanstalk."

See why I thought of you guys?!

http://www.chronogram.com/issue/2011/10/Books/Seeing-Red

Anyway, if anyone's looking for a good book, you may want to consider these.

Now back to our regularly scheduled discussion... Thanks!

Laura Novak link

10/1/2011 10:16:48

It's totally cool to go O/T like that, NSG. And thanks for bringing it to our attention.

And MicMac, you're right, or your social worker was right: so few marriages survive a medical child. So few. It wasn't always fun and laughter and it sure as hell wasn't easy. But we survived it. How innocent our wedding day looks by comparison.

And I love hearing everyone's own story. Perhaps another reason why we saw through the Palin shell game right off the bat. They never walked hand in hand. She was always in front of him. Not a tender moment. It struck me as not real from the get go. Now we have these books contending exactly that.

curiouser

10/1/2011 10:17:20

Deb - Thanks for the book review.

It's possible Wallace and Schmidt tried to get Palin off the ticket and failed. (That almost certainly would have meant a definite loss for McCain.) Given the failure, they may have stayed on to retain the power to ensure that she would be sent packing if they won. There were several damaging, anonymous leaks from the campaign about her ignorance which may have been setting the stage for a post-election departure. Randy Scheunemann was fired during the campaign, possibly because he was taking Sarah's side.

I agree and wish Wallace and Schmidt had gone public with Sarah's problems and forced her out. But what if no one would listen and they lost their jobs and Palin stayed on and was sworn in VP? For whatever reason, they've handled it another way and it looks like it cost them professionally. They were both accused of scapegoating. Neither of them may ever be hired by a campaign again. At best, they've both possibly given up several years of a higher income.

I wish it had happened differently but there's nothing forcing them to speak out now. And, still, the media isn't listening. Hopefully, Sarah got the message because it does seem like they'll tell more if she tries to get in the presidential race. I seriously wonder if there's a way for us to press for a Senate inquiry into the VP selection process in general and, specifically, into the failure to remove Sarah from the 2008 ticket.

(It's my Libra Moon. I can't help looking for both or more sides.)

Colacarat

10/1/2011 10:19:01

Happy anniversary, Laura and hubby!

Ottoline

10/1/2011 10:20:38

Sorry, Laura -- I guess I wasn't paying as much attn as I might have to Tom. You run a tight ship, and I like that, and I fully support your using your big broom any way you see fit.

Sorry, FrostyAK -- It was just a little joke. I know a strong person like you can survive living in the same state as SP without getting even slightly cranky.

I was just doing my personal stupid misguided version of "can't we all just get along."

Laura Novak link

10/1/2011 10:24:37

Just FYI, we are having major internet problems again here. So if you don't hear from me for a while, it might be that.

And it's okay Ottoline. That too is my premise but once in a while, even I reach my limit.

Thanks for that book review, Deb. Interesting that we have to remember they they observed Todd through those months as well. He wasn't nice on those two videos. He might be a thorn in her mentally ill side as well.

NSG

10/1/2011 10:25:07

And I, a child of a VERY acrimonious marriage-then-divorce, just change the subject. :D

Thanks, Laura, for embracing an environment of respect. Your place really is something special.

physicsmom

10/1/2011 10:32:11

Happy anniversary Laura and spouse!

We had our 35th a couple of weeks ago. Notice I didn't say "celebrated" because we both forgot it. First time. I suppose that means we are so comfortable together that marking special occasions isn't so important any more. (We did take a cruise to Alaska for our 30th however).

I enjoyed Mistah Charley's discussion of the "meaning of life" which was in no way inconsequential or "girly" in spite of what Tom said. Gee, buzzkill much?

Many good wishes to Laura and all the commenters for a peaceful autumn. September certainly came in with a bang.

comeonpeople

10/1/2011 10:44:20

Happy anniversary Laura and husband. I am happy for you .As MicMac said, most marriages with a medically fragile child do not last. I know this is true from my profession.
Our anniversar is near the end of the month. It will be 15 years, a blind date that actually worked! Interestingly the same mutual friends tried to set us up when we were younger and it probably would not have worked at that time. We married in our ealy thirties, were mature, settled and ready for marriage and kids. 2 cross country moves andtwo kids later we are each others best friends. Of of course it is not always roses, but we have mutual respect for each other and love. The one thing I wish we could share more is all things politics. But, that is what the blogs are for, right?
Hope you had a great day with lovely memories! Our anniversary is the day before the birthday of our second son, so it has sort of taken a back seat, but thats OK. He was a great anniversary gift!

Barbara Alfaro link

10/1/2011 11:04:09

Happy Anniversary Laura to you and Mark! It's clear you are both very fortunate and very loved.

Tom link

10/1/2011 11:11:33

@Laura--

I was raised right. I have nothing to apologize for.

My email address is available to you. You wrote that you've emailed me. I've not received an email from you.

I understand. You've got a female circle jerk going on here. That's your market. I have no interest in your 'Clarity'. Your once great blog has turned into mayonnaise--great goin' Brad.

I had two brothers. We could've been from three different families. We weren't, were we? Have fun, girls and Brad.

Brad Scharlott

10/1/2011 11:32:27

Folks, the best way to deal with an obnoxious poster is to ignore him.

Olivia

10/1/2011 12:12:50

Happy Anniversary! I hope you have many more and a lifetime of happiness. We are approaching 44 years and I just don't understand it because I am not nearly old enough to have been married that long.

eclecticsandra

10/1/2011 12:15:00

This is an interesting thread. It is sort of "dog bites man." Successful marriages don't make the news.

I envy those who have been successful, but everyone's life is different. There was a novel called "Hot Flashes." In it I learned the term, "biological husband." There is a binding with the father of your children that you never will lose.

I cried at graduations and football games that we could not share the glories of our children.

But, there is no way we could have continued a shared life.

I am very glad you have been able to continue.

rubbernecking

10/1/2011 12:26:27

Congratulations, Laura. And a toast to all the spouses, partners, and special people in our lives that round us out and make us better people.

P.S. I've been reading up on biometrics. There is quite a bit of forensic and computer science research based on using ears as a unique personal identifier. Computer scientists are designing algorithms that can automatically identify people in black-and-white photos based on ear measurements.

http://www.cse.msu.edu/~cse891/Sect601/textbook/13.pdf

Much of the research cites the work of Victor Ianelli who analyzed thousands of photos of ears, including newborns. According to papers I've read, ear changes are very predictable (linear) after age four months. I'm trying to track down a copy of Ianelli's book to see what he says about newborns before age four-months.

I'm still a skeptic on multiple Trigs. But I definitely believe there is good scientific basis for discussing ears as a biometric identifier.

SLQ

10/1/2011 12:48:58

Happy Anniversary, Laura!

Anonfornow

10/1/2011 12:49:18

Congratulations, Laura. You are so lucky to have had each other since you were young. I married the love of my life just 8 years ago and I'm determined to make it to 25 years. Don't get me wrong; we'll be married and very much in love until the day one of us dies. But he's nearly 70 and does not come from a long-lived family, so each year is a blessing.

We often speak of what it would have been like had we met when we were younger. I'm lucky to have found him at all, but it would have been luckier still to have had him when I was younger, to have had his child, to have had more years together.

So here's to you guys!

Duncan

10/1/2011 13:42:00

Congratulations to you both Laura.

This month it will be 48 years for us.

Be well...

diz

10/1/2011 13:50:41

Happy Anniversary Laura and Hubby! Thanks for sharing. I hope some of those 1990 Napa grapes matured into as fine a wine as your marriage.

Tom link

10/1/2011 13:52:39

@Brad--

There's nothing worse than an expert from out of town (see 'Winning through Intimidation' Robert Ringer).

You were wrong about the half marathon photo. Undo it.

10/1/2011 14:00:32

congratulations on building a happy marriage. It requires a lot of work, not just luck or fate. I'm fortunate to be married to a hard worker.

Banyan

10/1/2011 14:10:10

Your picture is lovely!

My best wishes to you and your family, Laura. A happy and enduring marriage is a beautiful thing!

Ottoline

10/1/2011 14:36:29

Laura, regarding your internet trouble, I'm positive it has to do with the skunks.

I had endless crashes that I attributed to the wifi in my father's cabin in a remote area. I KNEW that internet reception is not affected by birds sitting on the lines, but there was this one bluejay that seemed to land in a nearby tree and squawk -- every blessed time, my laptop crashed. I mentioned this to my father, saying I KNOW the bird-on-the-line thing is just an urban legend, but I swear it happens each time. And my father said: "We don't have lines, the wiring is underground." Of course he was right and we had a good laugh. I actually knew about the underground wires, and had forgotten, and in the heat of my rage about the frequent crashes . . . .

I sometimes wonder if we don't see false connections in our zeal to solve the Palin curse, too. Well, I know I have. Slow learner.

Just watch out for skunk effects.

jeff

10/1/2011 16:09:40

@Laura,

Congrats on 21 years, Laura! I hope you two had a great day together.

Today is sort of a red-letter date for me, also, too, although I hadn't really thought about it in a long time.

On the day that you and your husband were celebrating your first wedding anniversary, twenty years ago today, I began my tenure with the company my wife and I worked at together. I had actually been introduced to her 5 or 6 weeks prior to that day when I had interviewed and then again a couple of weeks later when I attended a company-sponsored after-hours social event.

Thanks for sharing with us.
----------------------------------------
----------------------------------------
@Tom,

I realize that I leave comments here sporadically, so I'm not offended to be omitted as one of the few here that you consider worthy of your recognition as real men. But what I do find very offensive are the shitty remarks that you have made here. If you think that those mindless comments are proof of your being raised right, well, your parents didn't do nearly as good of a job as you give them credit for. Still, at your advanced age, if you don't know how to be courteous when you are a guest, it's your own fault, not those who were supposed to have raised you properly.

If, at your age, you think that it's proper to come into someone else's forum and sulk and pout because you don't have control of the content, then it's difficult for me to consider you much of a man and impossible to judge your behavior as that of a gentleman.

You've succeeded in getting the attention that you crave so much, so pat yourself on the back as you take your bitchy little immature self elsewhere where you can be in charge of the remote control for each conversation. Seriously, leave. No one wants to have to deal with hurting the tender feelings of an immature senior male who doesn't understand that this blog doesn't exist solely to entertain you or support your emotional development; nor does it revolve around meeting your desperate need to be in control of what is discussed and by whom on this blog.

Laura does not need and probably would not want me or anyone to speak up on her behalf. But I want to tell you directly that your behavior is inappropriate and not welcome here.

========================================

@Laura,

I sincerely apologize if I am speaking out of turn here. But anytime I observe some creep trying to bully a friend, I am going to speak up. I don't intend to start or participate in a flame war or a volley of insults, but right is right.

jeff

V ictoria link

10/1/2011 21:39:49

One thing that I have always admired about the right-wing of our country is their sense of loyalty. I'm not sure where it comes from - perhaps they're not independent thinkers? perhaps they believe that the means justifies the end? perhaps they're intimidated, because they know that the weapons they use on others could be used on them? or perhaps they're simply wired differently?

So the rumbles of dissatisfaction from Wallace and Schmidt are huge - or possibly they have received some blessing to make sure that SP is destroyed without destroying the rest of the GOP.

10/1/2011 22:46:43

i hope my comment didn't offend anyone. I know firsthand that no amount of hard work can keep some marriages going, as Mr Up is my second.

And while Sarah doesn't believe in coincidence I do. I met both my first and second husbands on the same block of a neighborhood I visited infrequently.

Viola-Alex

10/1/2011 23:24:57

Anonfornow, I loved what you wrote. I had been divorced many years from my "biological husband" and had imagined the rest of my life single and happy when I met my "love husband," a confirmed bachelor. I sometimes wish I'd met him earlier but know in my heart, I wasn't ready nor was he.

granny j

10/1/2011 23:25:15

Laura enjoy your special day- and I love it that you share bits and pieces of your life with us. I have been married for 38 (I think) years. All the hard work we did trying to hold everything together finally paid off. We are still able to laugh and love and enjoy just being together.

Olivia your comment made me laugh out loud. It is perfect. And exactly how I feel.

daisydem

10/1/2011 23:27:26

Laura, what a wonderful post. Happy Anniversary. Hubby and I have been married 41 years ... he kids me (I think - not sure, I may be a "short-timer") and says it is only a 50 year contract so he can see the end of the tunnel. I had a breast scare this week (all is fine btw) and he went with me for the test and held onto one of my ankles while the Doctor did the ultrasound. He is a love. Professionally, I have been his office manager now since 2003 and it really is working great - much better than we ever thought it would.

Thanks for sharing. Now back up to read some others' stories.

Lou in London

10/2/2011 00:03:25

Many congratulations Laura!
Having a wonderful late summer over here and just catching up on the blog reading while hubby of 2 months (but 17+ years together) is having a snooze. Lovely to know that you are having a lovely day too, and that many here are having a cozy reminisce on happy times.
My other catch up was on the MeAgain thread – many comments and lots of SP & Bristol posts sniping away at her/him. So happy to know SP’s had a rubbish weekend pressing the reload button, and wearing her thin skin thinner.
And Tom, fuck-wittery is not a great trait in a man.

Tom link

10/2/2011 00:56:18

I'm not going to explain myself or my position. I've reflected. I may have been out of line. I can see how I may be perceived as rude. I'm not, generally. I'll leave it at that.

If I've offended, I'm sorry.

Now I'll 'get lost.'

LizH

10/2/2011 01:22:58

Congratulations Laura on celebrating your 21 years of marriage. Your wedding photo is beautiful and thank you for sharing.

I'm a kindred spirit of sorts with you, as it has been said by a learning disabled teacher with 40 years experience in our metropolitan population of 3 million, that our 17 year old son has "the most complex medical history I've ever seen".

Sometimes I think it is my soul's path to meet every doctor in our city. Looking back at becoming a parent, it is entertaining to think how we expected to teach our children everything we knew. It soon became obvious that my handicapped son was here to teach me.

I made it to 20 years of marriage with my soulmate. He passed away 7 months ago, after 5 years of a degenerative brain disease.

So congratulations and celebrate your 21 years together. Cherish each day.

Laura Novak link

10/2/2011 01:38:28

LizH, I am so sorry to hear that you lost your husband. It has been rewarding to me - and I didn't really anticipate it - to learn so many of your stories. Perhaps that is part of the glue that binds us: travails with medically fragile children and our horror at Sarah's story; long and meaningful relationships, and our ability to see through the Palin marriage - even if it was that some of our marriages didn't last.

Thank you all for sharing your stories with all of us. "It's a good life if you don't weaken" my grandfather used to say to me. I think he was right.

phantomimic link

10/2/2011 13:11:44

Happy anniversary Laura! My better half and I have gone through a lot, both expected and unexpected, but we are still together and pretty much in love with each other after 20 plus years of marriage. We are in good health and hope to continue together facing life's challenges.

Original Lee

10/3/2011 01:45:20

Happy anniversary, Laura. I love hearing about happy marriages. No two are exactly alike, except in the love and respect the partners have for each other.

My husband and I celebrated our 20th earlier this year. Both of my sisters have been married 25+ years. My parents were married for 51 years. My grandparents were married for 60 and 65 years, respectively.

My one set of grandparents were literally childhood sweethearts. They lived in the same part of town but didn't meet until first grade. They were in different classrooms, so even though they saw each other in the lunchroom at and recess, they didn't know names until a neighbor girl had a birthday party when she turned 6 and invited them both. Can you imagine, meeting your lifemate and 6 and somehow knowing this person was IT? At their 60th wedding anniversary reception, I met the girl who introduced them, and we had a set of family photos taken with her in the middle, because we might not even exist if she hadn't had that birthday party!

My other grandparents met in high school. My grandfather was on the basketball team, and my grandmother was a cheerleader. It was pretty much love at first sight for them, too.

May you and your hubby enjoy many more years of bliss together, Laura.

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