Star Crossed Writing

10/25/2011

A writing exercise for me. Without conflict, some stories would just never have "made it." Such as my version of this classic, three-act tragedy/comedy. Mounting tension in every scene is my new mantra. If it's not growing more tense, leave it out!

Mr. Capulet: Hey Romeo, how you doin’?

Romeo: Fine sir. And you?

Mr. Capulet: I’m doin’ okay. You in a hurry? The Jets are in the third quarter.

Romeo: Well, sir. Actually, I wondered if I could have a minute of your time.

Mr. Capulet: Romeo, I always got time for you. You’re like a son to me. I known you since First Holy Communion when you were this tall (hand hovers above chips and dip bowl.)

Romeo: Well, Sir. The thing is, I want to marry your daughter. If you’ll let me.

Mr. Capulet: Let you! What, are you fucking kidding me? I’d love for you to marry my daughter!

Romeo: Great, cause we’re really in love. And we’re neither of us seeing anybody else right now.

Mr. Capulet: Hey listen, this is gonna make Juliet’s mother so friggin’ happy. And I’m gonna throw you kids the biggest wedding this side of the Hudson. I got a friend who runs a hall in North Jersey.

Romeo: Great, cause we got lots of friends and cousins to invite.

Mr. Capulet: And Juliet’s nanny. She’s been with us since the beginning.

Romeo: Sure thing. Though I know my folks are gonna want to use our priest, Father Laurence.

Mr. Capulet: Not a problem! (rises from the sofa) Come ‘ere kiddo. (bear hug) I love you. And if you kids ever need anything, and I mean anything, you come to me. You got that?

Romeo: Yes sir.

Mr. Capulet: Now sit down here with me and have a beer. No caffeine for me. And I gave up cigarettes. But this one drink is my poison and I gotta have one every afternoon.

Romeo: I’d love to. But I gotta get to the drug store before it closes. So, I’m gonna go to the bottom of the stairs and see if Juliet’s ready yet. But sir, thank you again. I won’t let you down.

Mr. Capulet: Hey, never was there a story I would like more, than this of my Juliet and her Romeo. You make a beautiful couple. Take care kid. And make sure you have her home by dark.

10/25/2011 03:29:18

Don't stop! I want to read the rest!

mistah charley, ph.d.

10/25/2011 03:57:49

Act II: Romeo and Juliet are on their way to Asbury Park in Romeo's dad's pink Cadillac when the car runs out of gas (the fuel gauge is broken). A New Jersey state trooper pulls up - it turns out he is Juliet's second cousin Vinnie. All three are chatting by the side of the road when an eighteen-wheeler blows a tire and careens off onto onto the shoulder, severely injuring Vinnie and Jules, just missing Romeo.

Act III: Vinnie and Julia are living in the same Rehab Center - Vinnie's left leg was amputated, while Julia is paralyzed from the waist down. Romeo's visits become more and more infrequent, while Vinnie and Julia realize their love for each other is growing.

Act IV: Romeo and Julia confront each other over the future of their relationship - Romeo has realized he is gay, while Julia has transferred her affection to Vinnie.

Act V: Vinnie, who has now learned to walk with his artificial leg without crutches, marries Julia, who is wheeled down the aisle of the church by Mr. Capulet. Romeo and his partner Dontay are seen dancing together at the reception. In the last scene, Mr. and Mrs. Capulet come back to their empty nest and feed the cat.

10/25/2011 04:58:31

@mistah charley, ph.d.--I love it!

Laura Novak link

10/25/2011 05:20:15

I love it too Mistah Charley. Definitely a different kind of tension. And certainly spices up the plot.

Let me think of what else we can add here.

:-)

Ottoline

10/25/2011 06:47:30

. . . Mr. and Mrs. Capulet come back to their empty nest, feed the cat, and open the mail, only to learn that the election they have ignored during all this family drama, and failed to vote in, was won by a puppet leader (CainPalinBalthazar), who has cancelled health-care insurance for the entire town of Verona. And it has been cancelled retroactively, so they now owe gazillions of lira to pay for all the rehab. They will be beyond bankrupt, and so will the merry young couple. So they all kill themselves.

granny j link

10/25/2011 06:58:03

You guys are a riot! Keep them coming.

Laura Novak

10/25/2011 07:10:28

I agree, Granny J. You are all cracking me up. Ottoline has a new line of work.

Only after they all kill themselves, the snake gets loose and kills the priest who forgot his glasses on the coffee table and has come back to retrieve them, only not till he's caught the nanny naked and making out with Mercutio the auto mechanic in Juliet's childhood bedroom.

Ottoline

10/25/2011 07:49:54

. . . into whose windows stands peering the writer McGinniss von Connecticut, who was turned into a pillar of salt in this position, after being falsely accused of spying into windows of little girls years earlier by the puppet president, CalinPain,* and CalinPain's will prevailed, so McGinnis von CT is forever silenced through the powers of CalinPain's masters, the Kochsucker-Boehner family, who have deposed the (relatively) good King Escalus.

Woe is in the land. Depopulation is afoot even without Death Panels. The Apothecary does a land-office business for poisons of every kind. Fox television doubles its coverage of DWTS to soothe the savage, um, populace.

________
*I changed his name. --Otto

Ottoline

10/25/2011 08:23:57

My mind is whirling after seeing this Rachel Maddow video re Cain -- it's just what we expected (Palin changed out by new wannabe puppet Cain), only I thought it would be someone less idiotic, more presentable.

http://tinyurl.com/3ma8r36

But no. Did you see this not-a-joke ad for Cain? I guess we are lucky, for this will sure hand the election to Obama. Or am I missing something? Something related to unlimited, nontransparent election spending, and voter-machine fraud?

http://tinyurl.com/68ffqva

Do you like that creepy smile at the end?

Just to stick with Shakespeare, it's "past the endurance of a block."

Jenny Milchman link

10/25/2011 08:26:29

Ha ha, great voices. And I love the Jets fan!

Laura Novak

10/25/2011 09:21:00

Thanks for those links, Ottoline. Pretty amazing that ANYone would think he's a good sales person for ANYone! And yes, what's with the blowing smoke? Unless it's a metaphor for blowing smoke up our skirts.

How did we get this far? How did the GOP devolve to this?

And I love Joe Mc Connecticut (though I think he lives in Western Mass!)

Jenny and Granny J: you need to add to the story. I know you can do it!!

Jaimee Saliba

10/25/2011 09:30:15

Jaimee Saliba

10/25/2011 09:48:25

Romeo stands outside Juliet's balcony any hears her famous speech. Enthusiastic, he climbs a nearby vine to reach her...and falls. "Ouch!" Juliet's faithful nurse comes to his rescue on the ground below.

"You idiot, what were you thinking? You're going to get yourself killed for sure. (It would be better for my lady if you did, that's most certain, you handsome rogue). Here, put on my nightdress over your clothing and pull up the hood. I'll bring you into the servants' quarters before the family arrive (you fool!)"

After two days of attending to the lady in womanservant's garb and complaining loudly about his twisted ankle, the Lady Juliet loses interest in her would-be paramour and sends him on his way home.

She goes into a convent instead if marrying and writes brilliant poetry and music (about her love of Christ, of course), becomes a powerful abbess, and is rediscovered by post-structuralist feminists in the 1990's.

granny j link

10/25/2011 09:53:26

OMG. Talk about pressure!!!!

Laura Novak

10/25/2011 10:02:17

Okay, Jaimee as upped the ante. We now see Romeo as a total panty waist/waste who can't even climb a ladder.

Ok, Granny J. You're up. Make it good!

(and you can always pick up with the football game, or the Capulet's visit to the doctor without insurance.

Does Romeo get health insurance in the convent?

Jaimee Saliba

10/25/2011 10:23:26

Romeo definitely does not end up in a convent. He marries a wealthy, socially-approriate woman chosen by his family and continues to chase skirt until he is slain by an angry husband. He disappears from the historical record (except in memoirs by his paramours).

grannyj link

10/25/2011 10:25:43

Okay I have no shame- Just remember I have not read R and J for at least 50 years.

Jules: Come hither Toddulet. What is yond gentleman? Go peer over the fence and ask his name: If I cannot lure him here I fear I will have lost all that I hold dear.
He hast heard me speak to-night, the silver sweet sound of my voice wafts to his ear.
Make haste- you fool. Go ask his name or the cans will fly this blessed night!

Toddulet: His name is McGinniss von Connecticut my fairest viper. He is your sworn enemy. He asks not about the sweet silver sound of your voice- but cringes on the far side of the balcony muttering to himself, “ She shrieks yet she says nothing: What of that?”

10/25/2011 10:33:51

the Capulets are forced to file for bankruptcy due to their crushing medical debt. Mr. Capulet is downsized and unable to find employment, because who hires someone over 50 with bad credit? Juliet's mother goes to work as a Walmart cashier. Since President Calin Pain abolished the minimum wage Walmart was able to cut wages to 15 cents an hour with no benefits. The Capulets subsist on Dollar General dog food made from the finest mystery meat.

granny j

10/25/2011 10:38:17

And now I do beseech you all- to leave the old woman to enjoy your wit without showing that her wits have fled.

Laura Novak

10/25/2011 10:43:37

Okay, Granny J., your wits are about you and are on fire!!! I can't stand it!!! You will no longer be allowed to sit idly by whilst McGinniss pulls out his sword (you know what I mean) to slay the evil Toddulet whose sister was selling drugs from the Walmart pharmacy in order to pay for child care for the kid who the Capulets know nothing about. Or something like that.

And I think I need to back up and say that Mr. Capulet is home watching the Jets because he is on disability from his weekend job at the refrigerator manufacturer in Hoboken. It seems he has a vascular condition and might not live long enough to see the kids get married. Which is why the priest needs to hurry up and get out of rehab so he can officiate.

Okay. Who's next?

Ottoline

10/25/2011 11:20:38

GrannyJ: "Go ask his name or the cans will fly this blessed night!" and ". . . what of that" !!

LoL -- lovely!

granny j link

10/25/2011 13:47:40

Well thank you both- you made my day. I must admit I had to go and find the play- to steal a couple of lines that I could mangle.

Sally

10/25/2011 22:13:09

Not sure you can top the original Prologue for irony:
"Two households, alike in dignity (or lack thereof)
In fair Verona, where we set our scene,
From ancient grudge breaks to new mutiny
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-crossed lovers take their life"

At the drugstore, Romeo buys condoms and a pregnancy test, as Jules has been complaining of feeling too sick to eat her daily eggs, moose sausage and white toast with caribou butter and jam. They rendezvoos in his new truck.
"Alas, Romeo, wherefrom came this kickass truck? Is that a bed in the bed?"
"forsook, Jules, your hot mamma fronted me the cash; she said it's a baby present."
"Holy contrary storm, how did she know we're pregnant? Did your sister Mercutia spill the beans?"
"Nah, I think she said it was your nurse, Rebeccah Sour of Men, who found the test on your dresser this time. Why do you keep those things anyway?"
"Oh, Romeo, I just think of them as souvenirs of our blessed love. Kind of like a remembrance of the children of your loins we no longer see."
"Oh Jules, when we will we be blessed to raise the children of my loins? In this life? In the heretofore?"
"What? Can heaven be so envious? Oncest we are he and she, no one canst tear us apart again. Not the Johns of McCain, nor the Palinskas of Wasilla, not the Charles of McHeath. It'll be thee and thus and the babes. For never was a story of more woe, than this of me Juliet and thou her Romeo."

Laura Novak

10/26/2011 02:17:15

Sally, that's fantastic!! I thinkst we havest a bunchest of writers in the house!

I put up a new post. But please feel free to continue to build the narrative here if you so wisheth.

Clearly, our story craves tension. It's just not good enough for Mr. Capulet to like the guy and give them his blessing.

And of course the narrative DOES beg for some recent references, doesn't it!!

Thank you all Thou all terrific plotters!

Barbara Alfaro link

10/26/2011 03:16:32

What a fun post! And so true. If there's no conflict, no dynamic tension, there's no story.

Sally

10/26/2011 11:31:07

That was really fun! Methinks there is more story to be told, and that the august writers of this blog are aching to tellest it. There must be a story of forlornest hearts when Juliet has the son and kicks Romeo to the curb. And then she has to support herself when her millionaire parents refuseth her help publicly. So, poor thing, she becomes a barmaid in Verona, riding bulls on the weekends, and becoming a bit of a drunk, which leads to no goodness my goodness, as she gains an unexpected amount of weight.
Meantime, Romeo pens a tome, which is used for kindling by the Capulets and he is chased out of town by the Palinskas who want not him near their newly virginal Juliet. He sees not his son, the light of his eyes, and cries on the shoulder of his lawyer, who advises that he become political and run for mayor. Romeo, for once, sees error in those ways, and thinks maybe he should completeth his education first.

Laura Novak

10/27/2011 02:42:20

Love it Sally! I think it's very easy to see the similarities to what happened in Verona to what happened you know where. Too young, star-crossed, fighting families and poison. In many forms!

Love how everyone spun this story out. I've laughed pretty hard about what we did here. Great work everyone!!

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7/9/2012 13:21:02

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